Goddess Morning Royals

Chapter 4.  The Raping of the Woman’s Morals and Values

As a colored woman, I know too often of hurt and pain of what rape victims feel.  We aren’t just raped physically but mentally as well.

Being a young girl at the tender age of twelve and being raped was like dying.  I just knew life was over for me, but luckily someone felt my pain and help me through it.  Not all the women and children of this world have that kind of support in their lives but I did and now I am offering it to those who have been or are in this position.  The Higher Power had truly blessed me with my Granddad.  It was like my mind was still being deceived, my heart ripped out, my soul crushed and my spirit demolished.  For every day, I had to look this so called “family friend” in the face as he lied to my parents after the horrible thing he done to me.  Of course, they took his side because kids should be seen and not heard.  That’s a damn lie!  That was the old rule the new rule is that parents should take into consideration all that their children have to offer or say to them, because you could save a life not to mention restore faith in one.

Here is where it hurt the most when the very man or men that is born to protect you are the one that is violating your very being.  Fathers, Uncles, Grandfathers, Brothers, Nephews, or Cousins, that are there to do what we are colored women think to protect us, are the same exact bastards that are doing the hurting.  The same ones trying to also do the protecting from others finding out their little secret, is the cowards that I don’t have love for at all.  You know exactly who they are? They are the touchy, feely, and inappropriate family members who says everything violating in a joke, but be the only ones thinking it’s funny.

They are the ones who protect you from other predators because they want to be your first and only predators. How the fuck, do you type of coward’s sleep at night or hold your heads up in the communities, or at family gatherings knowing what you are doing to family is wrong?  You know what is more fucked up is that other family member before you have experienced this bull shit and instead of protecting you from it they turn their head and be glad it is no longer happening to them.  In all honesty you are just as worse as the predator himself.  But I can’t bug because some of the parents; “mothers”, be knowing that this going on.  Know how I know because they are the Bitches that sent them your way.  All because they didn’t want to lose something or for it to continue to happen to them.  Why is this a life choice when in fact these mother fuckers, needs to be locked away or castrated so they can no longer hurt anyone.  But I have to wonder if this is what happened to them and someone turned their heads on them.  Oh yeah it did, when “faggy ass master” was rapping our men and taking their manhood without a fight for life and a decent living.  The violation started long before we could get our heads wrapped around it.

If you can say that you are a Man that never raped a woman I give you the utmost respect and send you my humblest love.  That’s only if you can honestly say so!  But let’s be clear that isn’t the only way to violate a woman and rape her of her being is sexually, there is mental, and physical as well.  So, if you never violated a woman sexually, but have whipped her ass a time or two then you are no better than the pedophile who have sexual desecrated her soul.  In fact, you may as well have raped her, because either way you have left a mark on her and her psyche that cannot be removed.  What King beats his Queen like a peasant?  Oh, he doesn’t, he is her everything and will kill anyone who violate her and her mind.  So, when your child/ren come to you and say something has happened look into it.  Go to war for your child/ren.

If my child/ren tell me something happened best believe I’m all over the situation I do understand children lie but you should know when your child/ren are lying and when she/he is telling the truth and if not you’re not a very good parent.  See when a person’s will and desire is stolen from them there needs to be healing process.  If we protect them as babies, toddlers, teens, their adult lives will be where they have to rely on that feeling of protection they received their whole childhood.

They will have that sense of security and sense of danger when their lives most definitely depend on their survival.  Don’t be that parent that is so in love with false promises and lust that you ignore the real danger that is gear towards our children.

When we are living in dangerous situations for ourselves ladies, our children are living in that same danger.  Please don’t be one of those so-called “heroes” that can’t save yourself but think that they can save their children.  It really doesn’t work like that.  If you think it do then save them as soon as you are in danger and not the moment you suspect that they are in danger.  Usually, that’s when it is too late to save anyone, even yourself.

It will never be an easy process but the healing must start somewhere.  First the monsters need to be put away or down.  No, I’m not telling anyone to kill anyone.  This is not the solution because to them that will satisfy their demons.

Secondly, both need help to restore themselves, after all no one wakes up and say I’ll think I’ll be a rapist, or an abuser today.  If they do them they need to be thrown in front of a firing square with all barrels sending him/her to hell with fire and desire.

Last forgiveness, the victim needs to know this isn’t her fault.  This isn’t or wasn’t your invitation to the rest of your life.  Taking your life back is a process that a road hard traveled, but the reward of not having to look over your shoulder and watch your back for the person that violated you is a blessing in its own rights.  Women are more powerful than people think.  A lot us grin and bear the abuse and never show a sign of it in front of anyone, but behind closed doors we are a mess.  Especially, when it comes to our children we will not allow them to see what a monster did to us but for those who have escaped the horror physically, our minds and eyes are always in protection mode around our children.  I think our experiences make us more protective than they can handle.  Instead of explaining to them why we are so protective we turn our anger out onto them.  I vowed to always let my children know of my pain so they will not become victims of it, because I know of my horror.  I know of my capabilities and what I can do destructively, only because I allowed it to manifest within me and have a place to call home.  I know that I need to no longer shelter my violator pain while trying to cover up the shame. I had to set it free before it destroyed me from within.  I carried it around too long and lived angry all day every day, but for what so he could still have power over me.  No more!

Remember we are no longer victims and will no longer play the victim role for that make us more vulnerable to other predators and womanizers.  We stand today with our scares, not afraid to show them but showing them because we are survivors of them and what they represent.

We are taking back our homes and lives for us and the sake of our children.  We will no longer be any one’s doormat but someone’s life preserver.

While we are on the subject of abuse let’s talk domestic violence. 

Domestic Violence Case scenario: Where I live there is this “Muslim” man and woman with several children they will remain innocent in this case even if they weren’t in real life.  He beats her and curse her in front of the children all the time.  She so in love with him that she doesn’t see him hurting the children.  So, one night while I was sleeping, I am woken from my slumber with loud noises.  I go to the door to see what is going on and he is beating her and tossing her around.  She wants to go back in the house, but the children are at the door screaming for her.  They are concerned about their mother’s safety even if she wasn’t.  She told them to back to bed and sleep, but how can they if you are in danger and making all this noise.  The neighbors and I all are now outside witnessing this horror in a neighborhood where this type of violence doesn’t exist.  We do have violence in the surround block but not in this block specifically.  She has no shoes on her feet because he has beaten her out of those.  So, me being me I called the “police” because something other than this needs to happen. 

While waiting for them to come another child’s father comes and then situation escalate into more violence and fighting.  A car window is busted and now there is words of guns being tossed around between the two males.   I will say males and not men because neither one of them were men.  As I was told by other neighbors is that they lived somewhere else and were asked to move based on these same acts of violence.  As the “police” arrive the male, who lives at the house shows no fear and no intent on stopping with the abuse.  He still pushes the female and still threatens the other male right in front of the “police.”  Long story short, he ends up tasered and thrown in the back of a “police” wagon, facing domestic violence charges and resisting arrest.  I wish I could say that was the end for these two people but that will only be the beginning of what I had to witness from this family.

Colored on Colored/Domestic Violence scenario: Another night this “Muslim” male wants to show his masculinity, but that will soon fail for him.  The woman who is attached to this male, goes to another neighbor in friendly conversation and he ends up taking it as an attack against his manhood.  After his woman tells him that she and the girl wasn’t talking about him, he still wants to show his aggressiveness.  He approaches the woman; which he is not attached to; and grabs her by the throat, wrapping both hands around her neck.  Now everyone is trying to get this male off her and call for help.  Her brother being close by is the first call for help and he comes running.  When he gets to the situation, he asks what happened.  He approaches the male and the male “bitch” up like he didn’t do anything.  The first thing out of the “Muslim” male’s mouth is you are going to get a gun and you are going to have to kill him.  The brother did not like the response so he take off garments and proceed to beat the male up like he has done his woman companion so many time before.  He never had a change or the will to fight back because he wasn’t weak and a woman.  The fight last roughly about ten minutes before he was down on the ground needing help.  After that he went into hiding for a while but he would return to beat more women up but not the one with the brother.  He no longer even looked in her direction.  May seem funny at first but violence has consequences. 

Domestic Violence scenario final: Now this last time I had to witness the domestic violence coming from this home, was terrifying to me.  I thought I was a young child again watching my father beat my mother and there was nothing I could do about it.  I quickly remembered that I was grown and had more strength in me that when I was a child.  “Muslim” male comes out the house with a hammer in his hand, while beating one of the children’s grandmother in the head with this hammer.  Take note that it is broad day light and everyone is home and outside.  He hit the grandmother three times in the head, but I immediately called the “police” on him.  As I was doing so her daughter-in-law comes and try to assist her.  He turns and hit her with the hammer in her head and toss her across the street.  Then focus his anger back on the old lady, continuing to beat her now with his fist.  The hammer slid out of his hand and the woman attached to him runs and retrieve it from the ground.  Taking it in the house, now I’m not sure if that was to protect him from getting in trouble or protecting them (the ladies) from getting hurt again.  However, she never assisted the two women at all.  He tells them to get away from his house and that she can no longer see her grandchild.   She begging and pleading with him to see her grandchild, all while bleeding from her head.  They get in the car but he isn’t done with them yet.  As he approaches the vehicle, he grabs the front passenger door and breaks it so it cannot shut.  Once again grabbing the woman from for the car.  The daughter-in-law drives off to save the grandmother and without fail.  He chases the car down but I tell them they cannot leave because the “police and ambulance” are on their way.  I plead with her to get medical attention before she passes out.  They turn the car around and he once again attacks them, hitting the woman once again with the hammer in which he retrieved from the house.  They get the car far enough away from him and then the “Calvary” have arrived.  He runs in the house and barricade himself and the children inside.  This time the “police” isn’t so nice and they are in large numbers.  They knock on the door and says, “Come on out so you can go to jail!”  Now, I’m not too sure if he knew jhe was in Baltimore, or not but that will not get a colored male to come outside at all.  In fact, it will have him start to act irate.  They have to set perimeter up because they were told that there were children in the house.  At this point it has become a hostile situation and moving rapidly into a hostage situation.  They stormed both doors at the same time.  When they enter he was in there whipping one of the children.  Now he has a child abuse charge to add onto the erroneous charges already pending.  He doesn’t leave without a fight and take a swing at several of the officers.  At this point I am convinced he wanted to die by “police.”  They however, did not give him the satisfaction and tasered him and more than once.  End of the story, he goes to jail with a book of charges, and the grandmother and daughter-in-law get medical treatment, the children almost ended up in foster care.  The woman has to move out of the house because she cannot afford to live there without him, and the “police” did not kill or murder another colored man.  See consequences! I haven’t seen neither of them since but I pray they are all getting the well necessary treatment and care they need to continue on in this life.

When a woman morals and self-esteem is ripped out from her, she basically has nothing left to live for in her life.  She just wants to shut out the memories and kill the light.  Sleeping isn’t a choice because the nightmare makes you relive the trauma repeatedly.  Going out leads to more hurt and maybe more rapes especially if the suspect or suspects aren’t apprehended and the search for them has died down.  Thanks law and order to protect and serve my ass.  She thinks the worst of herself and really could care less of the world she lives in at this point.

When it is a constant trauma then it leads her to believe she is a bad person or why would God allow this to happen all the time.  She starts to doubt God, her parents and those sworn to protect her, especially if it’s a relative that is causing her pain.  This leads to prostitution and monogamy.  She believes everyone is welcomed to her at their choice or with a price or bribe.  This simply isn’t true!  No one should ever feel like this.  So now we must do something to help our women regain themselves.  Help our child/ren trust in family again.

Domestic violence is never the answer to resolving any conflict, but it happens every day.  A “man” should never put his hands on a woman.  That’s like the King killing the Queen for the kingdom he already rules.  How much sense does that make? None!

When a man who has a woman in his life decides he no longer wants her in his life, he should say just that instead of beating her and forcing her out.  I know you all think some of these women deserve it, but no one deserve to be treated less than a human being.

A man with girls needs to know that if he beats their mother or any other woman, while convincing his daughter that he loves her, she will believe that is love and will provoke a man in her life to beat her just to have love from him.  On the other hand, she could end up going in the opposite direction and become the man or become the dominate one in a lesbian relationship and beat her lover, convinced that that’s the only way to show her love.  Either way it’s not good for the girl’s psyche.  Also, men with little boys who see a male beat his mother will go two ways he will be a beater, cheater and punk or a killer and the person in his life will be his target.  Even, if he never kills his father or the man responsible for beating his mother, he will kill in likeness of him.  Meaning he will kill all men who reminds him of the man he cannot kill.

More than likely if the man is abusive to the women he is definitely abusive to the children.  Not in all cases but in the majority.

Either way domestic violence leads to so much negativity.  Male children becoming so feminine in their lives that they are gay and still look to domestic violence as comfort, as well as the female child.

Please if we learn nothing else we know no good can come from domestic violence.

Being a strong colored woman means more than words can describe especially after regrouping after a crisis such as sexual assault, child abuse, mental and physical abuse, heartache and life worst case scenario child-birth loss or burying a child.  See no one prepares you for that loss ever.  Whether or not the child live one day, miscarried, or a half or full life.  When a mother has to bury a child, it is one of the gut wrenching pains that you never come back from.  It feels like a piece of your soul has been cut from you without any pain kills, honestly even with pain kills that is a pain no  mother should ever have to experience.  Unfortunately, as colored mothers we do almost every day and sometimes more than often.   The murder rate here in Baltimore alone for the past 5 years have been alarming and our leaders the people we put in those chairs have no answers for us.  We are the people and mothers must fight for our own children if we are expecting them to outlive us or at least survive the mean streets of Baltimore…, Bodymore.

Colored women we endure so much and with every fiber in us we try our best to keep moving.  For some of us we can’t go on and pain become so unbearable that it kills us physically as it had already consumed us mentally.

When will it end?  When we as colored people realize we are not the enemy of our people nor is the anger we have towards our people for our people.  All that hostility is for those who constantly enslave our minds, body and finances.  Colored women motto is I struggle so my children won’t! In reality if you struggle the children will feel it somehow sooner or later.  Whether it’s when they are burying you or when they are forced to help because your struggle has burden your body and you are no longer able to provide.

We have been striped of so much that we ourselves just take and let it go.  Why do we do this?  Why do we allow others to take from us without even a hint of a fight?  Colored women we have to stop allowing people to walk over us for what we think is love, happiness, stability, foundation, marriage, joy, and the sake of our children.  Our children cannot be the reason we allow these things to happen to us, for a matter of fact our children should be the reasons we shouldn’t allow these things to take place.

We think that they don’t see our unhappiness, well they do!  We think that can’t see where joy have left us and now we grin in pain, well they do!  We think they can’t see that we are in an unstable place or that our foundation has crumbled but they do.  They know when love is gone and there is no sign of it returning but we think we’re holding on for them and all along they are holding on for us. They want out just as much as we do and they aren’t saying anything for the sake of us.  Communication can solve all this if we all would just converse and listen to one another.

Women have been the ridicule of “society’s” plan because they know that women of color are strong and as long as a male or their mate is out of the way, they can prey on our downfall.  But we are women who are bread and cut from a different cloth, I know I have seen it.  I have seen my mother beaten but still get up and do what she have to do while taking that ass whipping.  I have seen my aunts lose their soul to a man but their children, young ladies not fall victim at all.  So for “society” to think they got it right they are solely mistaken.  We colored women have always endured the heartache and pain of loss whether to the man we love or the child we birth but it is only when there is no one else in our corner is when we crumble.  This is why we as colored women must stand strong together to keep our family with or without our colored men from being totally destroyed by “society’s” strong hold.  We are the original winners of our families whether submissive or not. We are the Queens that make our Kings who they are.  Without us there is no King or no Kingdom to rule.  We hold the power, the strength, the glory of the love and life within us.  We have birth the nation and why would we allow anyone to destroy what we have born.

We as colored women have been the object of all men affection because we hold the key to the happiness they embellish as such.  We know that what we have between our legs isn’t the answers but what we have in our soul, mind, and heart is.  They don’t know because they haven’t taken the time to realize that.  They compete for the wrong things but then convince or try to convince us this is the true power and when it is no longer theirs they swear they will always be able to get it.  Keep letting them think pussy is the power while the soul or heart we hold is the key to keeping our home safe.  So when you steal our innocence, it tells us that you are miserable and your soul belongs in hell but for our soul to give in to you will be a moment of weakness and we aren’t weak by  a long shot in fact we aren’t weak at all.

We may have moments of weakness but those moments like time pass and a new strength builds within us and we carry on.  For some of us it takes time but with the right village and foundation we can overcome anything.  The times we can never recover from is when one of our children is taken.  That is the end of our process. We try so hard to bounce back from it, but we never do.  To all you brave, beautiful, broken mother who have endure this type of pain, my heart weeps for you and your soul.  For I can only sympathize with you in this manner but know that I am always here for you mental, emotion, physical as a an loving supporter.  I pray in the Lord, that you are healed and strengthened to continue with life.  I pray that the Lord makes everyday a little less painful and a little easier to bear for no one deserves to go through the loss of a child, whether to violence or otherwise.

There is a failed system in place to make it seem like we as mothers are at fault when in fact we aren’t. It is the designed to diminish our morals and values that is to be passed down to our children.  Somehow, their system, was created to stop us from growth, parenting, and educating our children on morals and values.  We as the strong colored women we are need, to fight the system and take back what is rightfully ours, our children, our families and our lives.  They will continue to go to the drawing board to find new ways to keep us from true parenting but we have become so submissive that we allow them to do so.  Wake up and do what you know is in your heart to do and that is be the strong mothers we are and the village we use to be.  We should have never stop being the village at all.  We should have stood strong against the test of time and continue on where the ancestors had left us, watching over everyone and everything.  All I can think as to why we stopped is because we grew tired.  See what growing tired as a single parent does, it made the village crumble.  When we should have been pulling one another up and assisting in keeping the village strong.

We know what we need to do, but aren’t sure how to get back to doing it.  It is not going to be easy because we allowed our young mothers to get out of control and now we have to get ourselves right in order to get them right, or else we as strong women will be no more.

We make leaders, but they learn how to be followers.  We make adventurers, but they only learn to follow. We create women, but they learn how to be whores. We know by any and all means necessary but you young women as well as some of you old are giving it up for reputation and status.  Now I’m not sure if that will pay the bills, put food on the table, clothes on the children backs or shoes on their feet but I know one thing it will just get you a fucked pussy.

If that is your aim then you have accomplished exactly what you have set out to do.  The only thing that will bring is more of nothing and less of what is needed.  That doesn’t make good for anything but a bad reputation and still a wet ass.  If your sex game is less than as well as or oral game, then you aren’t going to make it in that business.  This will be the perfect opportunity to get a skill that will get you paid. With that skill you can make a career out of it and be able to take care of your family for as long as your body, mind and spirit is able.  Stop allow men to walk in and out of your sex life just for a reputation.  When the time comes for you to want marriage or a lasting relationship, because we know marriage isn’t for everyone, you will be so destruct you wouldn’t know how to handle a true thing.  You will treat it as it is a John, Trick, or fast money situation instead of the stability the Lord is giving you.

This is not me putting anyone down for what they do to make money to feed their family but how long does whoring work before there is an incurable disease at play or the game is tiring.  It’s never too late to learn a new game or trick to get you further than you are now.  Honesty, if you are making money hand of fist doing what you are doing just by having sex with anyone and everyone, then by all means do you until you can’t do you anymore.

Fact is not all of us have the capability to “use what we got to get what we want.”  I am not the one to brag but it got me out of some tight corners but so do all the skills I have.  This is why I no longer try for what I want but definitely for what I need.  If I don’t need it, then I don’t break my neck to get it.  We as women have the tendency to want respect but don’t have enough for ourselves.  We want a good man but aren’t sure if we are good women.  We want a decent place to live but visit the slums and call it home.  Stop with all the wants and start with all the needs.  We demand respect because it is a necessity.  We need a good man because we are Queens and only Kings will do.  We deserve and shall have a decent home to raise the Royal family in.  Stop settling for less because you aren’t sure of your worth.  Once you know your worth there is no way you will settle for less that you value.  Redesign yourself for greatness because the Lord built you for just that, greatness.  I am not telling you to look down on those who do what they have to do to survive. No I am simply saying respect yourself or no one else will.  I am telling you to humble yourself when need be and to know when to be proud of what you have done because from which you have come.

W – Will the grace and prestige that is within you.

O – Operate as the Queen you are and not as the whore they want you to be.

M – Master your technique so no one will be able to take from you what you have accomplished.

E – Elevate your level with grace and faith in what the Lord created

N – Never allow them to see your pain because they will steal your power.

W – Wants are meant to be broken but needs can never be taken away from you.

O – Own your life, because no one can do you better than you.

R – Redesign your mind, body and soul to fit who you are and not who they want you to be.

T – Transcend the Queen you already are only to rule by the King made for you.

H – Have the life you were meant to have by being the woman you were meant to be, but better.

Sending you all love and kisses.  #GoddessLove