The Family Bond! Chapter 6…Segment 2.

Goddess morning Royals. First, give praise and worship to the all High.

There are two kinds of people in this world; the doers and the procrastinators.  What is a procrastinator it’s a person that delay or put things off today for tomorrow?  He/she will not try to think about doing actually what they need to do because they have already decided it can wait until tomorrow.

Now what we are going to do is break down why there is two groups and who they are?  We are going to find out which one of these categories we fall into as people.  The unbelievable part is that some people are both.  These people know what they need to do but does things in segments and then feel like they took too long and now the results aren’t what they could have been had they done it sooner.  They find themselves feeling overwhelmed from a lack of accomplishment due to the time frame they took to complete a task that could have been done sooner.

Don’t feel as bad though because if got done just learn from this incident and do things differently.  At least it got done and you aren’t still putting it off until the next day or next time you have time.  People in this state fail to give themselves at a little credit for accomplishing a task or goal that they accomplished.  Stop beating yourself up about it and allowing the frustration of getting it accomplished manifest into a negative when in fact it is a positive.  We as black people have the tendency to want to keep going over things even when it should be behind us.  Let it go and move on to the next task because the longer you dwell on this problem, that has already been taken care of, the less time you could have been doing the next task. Meaning now you procrastinating in a different way, by dwelling on the past and things that already is or has been.  Same thing about being an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend or ex-husband or ex-wife.  Let it go so you won’t destroy the next relationship; worried about what went wrong in the past ones.  A lot of us do it and end up missing out on the relationship we’re currently in because we have become obsessed with the past.  LEARN, LAUGH, AND MOVE on to the next chapter, because there is nothing you can do about the past but except it and learn not to repeat it. Like now I am moving on from this subject and onto the next.

We are going to explore the different types of men, women, and children (families) in the black community. 

We have moms that believe in being moms and only moms. They are the moms that no matter what they are the first and only thing that matters to them.  They can care less about anything else.  Their focus in life is to make sure that their children and grandchildren have more than they ever had.  They are stay at home moms that loves to cook and clean, while their significant others work to pay the bills. Their only purpose so they feel, on this planet is to protect and love the children in which they have birth. 

Then there’s the working moms, that believe in their family that’s why they work as hard as they do.  She tries her best to make meetings and school functions but her job requires a lot attention from her.  She tries to make up for it by giving the child/ren whatever they need or wants. This is her way of expressing her love in turn for her absence.  All in all, she lacks the communication on some strong factors but she doesn’t see things when she has the moment.  She pays attention when it is reported to her or brought to her attention.   

Then there’s the moms that work don’t pay the family no attention.  They can’t cook, cleaning is not an option, nor is paying bills.  They really had children because they felt alone and needed someone around to fill a void.  These moms are selfish in their own beliefs and self that they forgot, they had children.  These are then moms I call the invisible moms. They are seen but never heard from when their children are in trouble or needs then.  Their attention span is always focused on what she has and the next woman doesn’t have.  She is always in competition with the next woman who isn’t paying her no attention.  She is seeking to be seen by the wrong people. Her only bragging rights is that she has a job.

Then we have moms that are super busy with their own lives that grandma, grandpa, auntie, uncle, or someone else is raising their children.  Maybe, the children are raising themselves.  Mom is getting full benefits, receiving payments out the ass for these children, whether child support, tax credit, social services, or where ever the funds for these children are coming from, she’s benefitting.  However, someone else is putting in the efforts, time, love, dedication, education, and growth with these children.  She is more concern about her body, hair, and make-up that she doesn’t even remember that she has children.  She parties all the time and uses the children for beneficial purposes only to satisfy her bad habits.  This mom is just an egg donor and she should not be able to reeks the benefits of having children when she isn’t the one taking care of them.  She is just like a baby machine because she keeps having the children but none of the responsibilities falls on her at all.  She is totally not responsible for her own life and could care less about those she births. 

Here is where I think the father of the children should and wants to step in but the mother makes it way too hard for that to be a factor.  They are so scared of the law that they refuse to press the courts for their parental rights.  They believe or think that the courts are going to side with the mother and thinks that she is a better fit for the children.  This where so many men fail because if you can show just cause and how you can better serve your child/ren then the courts will side and favor you over a mother whose only in it for what benefits her.   She is the mother that talks bad about the father at all cause, but as soon as that child support, alimony, or whatever source of income is support her life style, she is quick to call the authorities, as well as him a bunch of names.  She is the one that put all the negative thoughts in the child/ren’s head about the father.

We have the dads, that’s in the home and does nothing to help.  He doesn’t lift a muscle or finger to help in any way possible.  He is where the term “dead beat dad” comes from.  He is like a child; all he wants to do is lay around and play video games.  He is in no shape or form going to look for a job or consider helping his family, but this is what some of you women have conformed to so that you can have a male in the home.   Why struggle harder with an extra mouth to feed but no help in feeding the family.  If a man cannot bring food to the table, he shall not eat, ask what’s for dinner, nor sit down at the table. The audacity of some people to allow this to happen.  If we as women who live like this allow this to happen then the results are exactly as you want them.  Because if you are motivating him to do better then he will not want nor try to do better and if you are and still no results have changed him or his drive then you need a different male in your home and life.  No matter how much you love him!  This is a bond that isn’t for you, sorry!   

Then there are dads that’s in the home and does everything.  He’s at every doctor appointment, every game, play, school event, church event, social gathering, family gathering, and more.  He cooks, clean, comb hair, cut hair, wash clothes, iron, clothes, shop for clothes, shoes, groceries, pay bills, read bed time stories, dance, sing, role play, and dress up for and with his children, and has a full-time job.  I call them super dads.  There is no task to big or small and no activity to girly or manly for him when it comes to quality time with his child/ren. 

There are the dads that aren’t in the home and does everything super dad does except bed time and stories.  He wants to be a family for the children sake and to rekindle the love he once shared with the mother of his children but that just aren’t in the plan.  He is exactly where he is supposed to be in his mission with his child/ren.  His function is that of an outside dad but a dad nonetheless.  He has no limitation when it comes to his child/ren, for the exception of being with the mother.  

The men are who are taking care of someone else children because his fucking the mothers but will not lift a finger to help his own damn children.  What the hell you think this makes you a good father no in fact it makes you the worse kind of man/father there is next to the deadbeats.  See how in the hell you out here struggle hard and doing all the right things for another family but refuse to help the ones that is of your DNA.  You aren’t even in the right mind, and if it is because you aren’t fucking their mother then you aren’t a man at all you are what “society” have made you a whore.  You are not even worth talking about because you are less than scum.  How do that make sense just because you are getting you penis wet by a woman that you can’t take care of your child/ren.  So instead of being in charge of your responsibilities you are only responsible for getting a nut?  Weak ass!   

Then we have what you all call a deadbeat.  He’s not in the home and does absolutely nothing.  He doesn’t claim the child/ren or even want to see them.  If he sees them on the street, he doesn’t acknowledge them.  This male should be ashamed of himself but he can’t because the woman and the children allowed him to get away with this type of life.  He is the worst of the worst.  I don’t usually recommend jail for anyone but this type of male is why the family bond in most homes cannot be repaired or is so broken most wouldn’t know where to begin to mend it.  He is the father of the child/ren who are out here turned up and doing the exact same thing to their child/ren that was done to them.  No wonder the cycle continues because no way there was any morals or values taught in this process.  Mother’s don’t help either because they talk so bad about him that even if he wanted to mend the bond that all she said would confuse the child/ren any way.  She has the right to express herself but when you do it to the child/ren they lose just as much hope in their bond ever been mend as the mother.  It became apparent to them that this is their life, especially when the mother bitter ass tosses it in their face all the time.  Believe me she isn’t saying sweet things about him to the child/ren or around them to others.  All she has is negativity and hate which is then instilled in the child/ren to have the same feelings.

Then you have the child support dads that only want to see the child/ren because “society” forced him to take care of his child/ren so why not see how your money is being spent.  He just wants to see how well his money is being spent.  He doesn’t want anything to do with the mother and he is the one talking bad to the child about the mother.  These child/ren are not you all confidant, what you have negative to say about the other parent shouldn’t be said to the child.   He can’t really enjoy quality time with the child/ren because of all the hate he has to express about the mother to the child/ren.  He makes it his business to also down play any other male that she may have in her life just because he is being forced to pay child support.

We as parents have fell down a slippery slope and have yet to see a way to climb out of the very hole, we have dug for ourselves.  We have these children that is growing up way to fast and it is because the family structure is weak.  Single parents are raising teenagers without a village is all wrong.  Children of all ages needs structure and stability.  If you think that you are a mother or a father that doesn’t it all on your own, you are wrong.  Someone, whether it is “society,” the “government,” or the community that is helping you even if you aren’t aware of it.

Sending you all love and kisses. #GoddessLove


Published by missk22

I am a free spirit! Speak my mind a lot. Published author! Business & Psychology major! AA in Healthcare Administration; BBA in Accounting/Finance. Working on my masters in Psychology. Mother, hairstylist, nail technician and so much more.

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