Standing in ?

Goddess Morning Royals.

Have you ever given someone your all and in return got nothing back?  Have you?

Well I have thought that they were the one at fault for not giving me their all.  I felt like they didn’t love me or that they were just bad for my well-being.  I argued and fussed until I couldn’t do it no more.  They cheated and so did I, thinking two wrong made it right but it didn’t.  They lied and so did I, thinking what good for them is better for me, it wasn’t.  I prayed for better days but they only got worse.  When they did I blamed God for my misery.  I even stop going to church just because I thought he turned his back on me.  All this was wrong and I had to find myself in order to believe in Love, Life, Happiness, Joy, and most important God.

No one can give you something that is already embedded in you.  If you love yourself who care if no one else does.  If you are happy with yourself who care if other aren’t happy around you.  I had to stop allow others misery into my life and making itself comfortable.  I have to realize that my joy was within me and that no one else could bring me something I had to release myself.  I had to realize that God didn’t want those relationships to develop because they will only cause me exactly what I was praying to get better, more misery.  I had to understand that I hold the key to my happiness because I loved me enough to enjoy me, care for me, live for me, and no other can live my life for me.  I have to be my everything because others proved that they were my nothing.  I was losing sleep, weight and out on life because I stood still waiting for someone else to assist me in getting through life.  Please don’t get me wrong, I had made time for the wrong people and I couldn’t see it because I allow myself to believe it was true love when in fact it was a failing lust of attraction or want of belonging.

Now that I am being sorted and pursued by someone who may be the one, I am so not sure how to allow someone in my life again.  I gave so much of myself to the wrong person that I am afraid to give of me to the right person.  This is a broken record for most of us but for me it is a rotating wheel of embarrassment.  I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed because it is just life and we all must experience the bad in order to make it through the good.  Lessons have taught me how to weather a storm and prepare for battle when it is my turn to fight.  It also taught me how to humble myself and know when the battle isn’t mine to fight. The roads that I have traveled is road that I don’t regret but ones that I know not to travel again.  I may have been down a few streets that lead to dead ends and saw the sign but ignored it because I figured there was a way out somehow, but had to end up turning myself around and driving back down the same street sign that told me it was a dead-end in the beginning.

All I am saying is that the signs be there and we ignore them to satisfy our own needs but then when the roads get too rough we want to point fingers but how and why.  We are the ones that ignored the signs in the beginning.  If only we took the time and paid, respect and ahead to the signs in the beginning we would have reason to say things like, “My mother told me it would be days like this.”  “I should have seen this coming from a mile away.”  “I knew you wasn’t any good from the beginning but.”  “I wish I had listened to myself when my conscience told me not to do it.”  or my favorite of all “Why Lord, why!”

Well I can just imagine him saying “I told you so.  I sent you all the signs that you ignored so I had to allow you to take this mission on your own and come around when you really wanted to listen to me.  Now my child you are in timeout until I give you the right person.”  Still we try our hands and ignore him because we are so afraid of growing old without someone.  In fact as long as he continue to provide us with breathe that we are never to old to find true love.  But we are human with faults and will continue to do it our way until we are fed up, then we want to sit down and listen, because at this point we are tired of the bull and can’t take it no more.

Well this is me right now, but still I love in fear of getting hurt.  I won’t allow myself to get close to anyone anymore because I am afraid of the pain I have already experienced.  So what I have done is put that out there and told the person that I am not into casual anything.  If you are sure this is where you want to be, just be patient with me and ride along until we are where we both need to be.  Our wants can hurt us but our needs won’t.  He agreed and so we are on this journey together.  Thank you for listen to my stand because I am still sitting still but with a slight movement when the Lord allow me to.

Sending you all love and kisses.  #GoddessLove

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