Missing Him

This is a letter to my Grandfather

I love your smile, your ways, but most of all your heart. You know that I’m suffering right now w/out you here and longing for your guidance. I know you are in a better place from where  you were when you were here suffering miserably. I just don’t know if I can continue in my hearts/out you. I miss everything about you from your teaching to your preaching lol. I’m not sure if I’m making it or just skating by. I do know your teaching has not gone to waste. I have preserved every lesson every taught by you to me and then some. You were my strength so when you left I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to carry on but I turned to God like you taught me. Not question his methods but I really miss you still. I just want and need you here everyday all day. It sound and is selfish but really that is how I feel right now. My heart is broke and not sure if it could ever be mended. My actions haven’t been who you raised but I can’t or shall I say don’t want to indulged in people right now. The mere sight of people is making me sick to my stomach and that not how you raised me but nevertheless its how I feel. I’m not pleased w/myself but it is what it is. The one thing you know I will never do is lie to you. I love you too much for that to take place so take it at face value. And no I’m not getting smart, just expressing myself. You taught me that, let my action come after my expressions but never explain myself, because no one is worth my explanation. I do however feel as though I owe you this one because I’m not performing on my normal levels, so less than who you raised right now. My heart and mind are on two different emotions and its tarring me apart inside and out. Help me Granddad before I make the worst of a already bad situation! I plead to you and God don’t allow me to continue down this path of self destruction.  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s